What Is a Living Funeral? A Guide for Families in British Columbia

A living funeral, sometimes called a living wake, is not something many of us have heard of or considered. At its heart, it is an opportunity to gather with someone you love while they are still here—to share stories, express gratitude, and say the things that matter most.

A living funeral can also ease some of the pressure on a family. The person being celebrated can help shape the gathering, share their wishes, and be part of creating a meaningful goodbye together.

What is a living funeral?

A living funeral is a celebration of someone’s life held while they are still alive. Unlike a traditional funeral, the person being honoured is present for the gathering.

This changes the experience in a meaningful way. Instead of speaking about the person, family and friends can speak directly to them. The stories, memories, gratitude, and love that might otherwise be shared after their death can be heard and received by the person themselves.

Living funerals are also known as living wakes, living memorials, pre-funerals, farewell gatherings, or legacy celebrations. Although the names differ, they all describe a gathering that allows the person being honoured to be part of the experience.

A celebration of life, by comparison, is held after someone has died. A living funeral happens before.

Each serves a different purpose, and understanding that distinction can help your family decide what feels right.

Why do families choose living funerals?

Many of the most heartfelt things shared at a funeral are said after the person can no longer hear them. The stories, specific memories, and gratitude that may have taken years to put into words arrive too late for the person being honoured to receive them.

A living funeral creates an opportunity to share those words now.

For some families, the person being honoured has received a terminal diagnosis. They may have been given some understanding of how much time remains. A living funeral offers a chance to bring together the people who matter most while they are still able to be together.

For others, it is simply about not waiting and instead, making time to say what needs to be said and gathering with the people who have shaped a life.

It is also important to acknowledge that a living funeral is not entirely joyful. There may be happiness, sadness, laughter, and grief, sometimes all within the same moment. The people in the room are celebrating someone they love while also beginning to grieve them.

That can be a great deal to hold, and it deserves to be part of any honest conversation about whether a living funeral is right for your family.

Some people describe the experience as one of the most profound and meaningful moments of their lives. Others may find it too difficult to hold celebration and grief at the same time. Neither response is wrong.

If your family is navigating a terminal illness and looking for additional support, Canadian Virtual Hospice offers free information and resources for patients and families.

What happens at a living funeral?

There is no required format for a living funeral. It can be as intimate as a few people gathered around a kitchen table or as organized as a fully planned event at a restaurant, community space, or meaningful venue.

The gathering should reflect the person being honoured. Because they are part of the experience, they can also help make decisions about the location, guest list, music, food, and overall feeling of the day.

Some common elements include:

Stories and memories shared directly with the person. Rather than delivering traditional eulogies, guests speak to the person being honoured. They share specific moments and tell them what they have meant in their lives. For many families, this becomes the heart of the gathering.

Letters or cards read aloud. Not everyone feels comfortable speaking without preparation. Writing a letter or card can make it easier to express thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to say aloud.

Music that is meaningful to them. This might be a playlist of their songs playing throughout the gathering or one special piece shared at a particular moment.

A message from the person being honoured. If they have the energy and desire to speak, they may choose to share a story, offer reflections, or express their own gratitude. This can be one of the most memorable parts of the day, but it should always be their choice.

A shared meal. Many living funerals include food, whether that means a favourite meal, afternoon tea, or simple refreshments. Sharing food is often part of how we gather, connect, and care for one another.

The tone of a living funeral is rarely just one thing. There may be tears and laughter, sometimes in the same sentence. This is just part of the honesty of the day.

Is it right for our family?

A living funeral may not be right for every family or every person facing a terminal illness. It is not something anyone should feel they are expected to do.

Here are a few things to consider:

What does the person being honoured want? This is the first and most important question. A living funeral should never be planned for someone who does not want one, feels it is premature, or is uncomfortable with being celebrated in this way.

Can the family hold celebration and grief at the same time? Honouring someone while also facing the possibility of losing them can be emotionally difficult. Every family will experience this differently.

Is the person well enough to participate? A living funeral is most meaningful when the person being honoured has the energy and capacity to be present and receive what is being shared. If the timing is not right, the gathering could become tiring or overwhelming.

What does the family need? A living funeral can also be meaningful for family members and close friends. It may provide an opportunity to gather, connect, and begin saying goodbye together.

There is no single right answer. Some families will immediately feel that a living funeral is right for them. Others will know just as clearly that it is not. Give yourselves time to talk honestly and gently about what everyone involved may need.

How to bring up living funerals

If you think a living funeral might be something your family would like to explore, begin with the person who would be honoured.

Approach the conversation gently and without arriving with a plan already in place. The idea should feel like an invitation, not a decision that has already been made.

For example:

“I’ve been wondering whether you might like to gather with the people who love you while we can all be together.”

This feels very different from:

“We want to plan a living funeral for you.”

Some people may feel relieved because they have been thinking about the same thing but did not know how to bring it up.

Others may say no. They might not want a gathering that feels like a formal goodbye. They may wish to protect their family from the emotional weight of it, or they may simply be someone who does not enjoy being the centre of attention.

Whatever their reason, their response deserves to be respected.

If they are open to the idea, include them in every decision that follows. The gathering should feel like them. That is the most important consideration.

When should you hold a living funeral?

Timing can be one of the more difficult parts of planning a living funeral. If the person has received a terminal diagnosis, it can be helpful to speak with the palliative care or hospice team familiar with their health and circumstances.

Generally, earlier may be better. Health can change quickly and unpredictably, and a window that feels comfortable today may not be available several months from now.

Palliative care teams and hospice programs, including those supported by the Canadian Hospice Palliative Care Association, may be able to help your family think through the timing.

At the same time, the gathering should take place when the person being honoured has enough energy to participate and receive what is being offered. Their comfort should guide the plans, including the length of the gathering, the number of guests, and the pace of the day.

If there is no terminal diagnosis and your family is considering a living funeral simply as a meaningful celebration of life, the timing can be more flexible. The question then becomes: when would it feel right to gather, and is there a reason to wait?

What happens afterward?

A living funeral does not replace the practical arrangements that may be needed after death. Families may still need to make decisions about burial, cremation, a funeral, or a memorial service when the time comes.

However, some families find that holding a living funeral changes how those later arrangements feel. The meaningful words have already been shared. The people who needed to be together have had that opportunity, and the person being honoured was able to be part of it.

What follows may be quieter and more private, shaped by what the family needs at that time.

Some families hold a small, intimate service after death. Others choose not to hold another gathering. There is no requirement to do things a particular way.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is a living funeral the same as a celebration of life?

No. A celebration of life is held after someone has died. A living funeral is held while the person is still alive and present.

The person being honoured is in the room to receive the stories, the gratitude, and the love that are shared. This is the defining difference.

How do you invite people to a living funeral?

Many families choose to reach out personally through a phone call, email, or heartfelt message rather than sending a formal invitation.

The wording can be simple:

“We’re gathering to spend time with [name] while we can all be together, and we would love for you to join us.”

The invitation should help guests understand the spirit of the gathering and whether they will be invited to share a story, memory, letter, or photograph.

Does the person being honoured have to make a speech?

No. Some people choose to speak and find it meaningful. Others prefer to simply be present and receive the stories and love being shared.

Ask the person what they would like, and respect their answer. There should never be any pressure to speak.

What if the person doesn’t want a living funeral?

Their decision should be respected completely. A living funeral that the person being honoured does not want could create additional stress during an already emotional time.

If circumstances change, the conversation can be reopened gently, but the idea should never be pushed.

Can a living funeral be held at home?

Yes. A living funeral can be held at home, in a favourite restaurant, at a park, or in another place that has meaning for the person and their family.

There is no formal venue required. The space should feel comfortable, accessible, and reflective of the person being celebrated.

You are asking the right questions

If you are here because you are wondering whether a living funeral might be right for someone you love, you are already asking thoughtful and important questions.

You may be trying to find a way to bring people together, to share what someone has meant to you, and to make sure those words are heard while there is still time.

You do not have to figure it all out alone.

If you would like help thinking through what kind of gathering might feel right, or support bringing the details together, our kindred planning team is here when you are ready.

We support families throughout Vancouver and the Lower Mainland with warmth, care, and no pressure.